Alternative
Word Definitions
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A prominent publication has published the results of its
yearly contest in which
readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for various
words.
And the winners are...
1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you
have
gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat
stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
absentmindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up
after you
are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed
by a
proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation
with Yiddish
expressions.
14. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), the belief that, when you die,
your soul
goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts
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